Don’ts

Men: 1) No, no, no, you’re wrong about that. I think what you’re trying to say is…

Everyone hates a know-it-all, but women especially don’t appreciate an arrogant, condescending know-it-all on the first few dates. She is evaluating you with the view in mind of spending several decades in your company and someone who shakes their head, sighs, and then delivers the ‘right’ answer is not going to make a good co-parent, because parenting is all about teamwork.

Women: 1) What do you vote? Republican? Democrat? Labor? Liberal? Conservatives? Greens? Are you pro or anti-abortion? I am totally against having children, how about you? 

In short, no heavy issues, keep it light. You might think you are making intelligent conversation but the signal the man receives is – this woman is going to be high maintenance, and will probably turn into a nagger because she is so serious and opinionated – she doesn’t mind bringing serious issues up with an almost stranger. Also you are putting him on the spot, not only may he not have an opinion on any of those issues but he will probably be afraid to answer in case he gets the answer ‘wrong’.

Men: 2) Hey, like my new Rolex? Picked it up in Hongers last week at an international conference… 

A lot of women are into status, money and possessions, but then again, a lot are not. Either way it doesn’t take a genius to work out that a guy is trying to impress by drawing attention to material wealth. If she is into money, then look out, you just made yourself a target. If she is not into money, look out even more, she’s about to roll her eyes and call it a night rather than waste time on someone who thinks romance comes out of a wallet.

Women: 2) Calling or texting.

Women, more so than men, can be addicted to their mobile, so much so they do not see it as rude or intrusive that they take long calls or send texts while on a date. If you can’t tear yourself away from a cell phone when in the company of a new guy then what are you going to be like as a future partner – texting in bed and taking late night calls? Girls that are too attached to their phones are seen by men as bimbos. Certainly it is just plain rude not to give your new date your complete attention. If you get a call, make it very brief and definitely do not text – that suggests you have another guy waiting in the wings.

Men: 3) Hey, hot body there, hon.

You may feel as if you just gave your date a sexy compliment but you have in fact made two fundamental errors. You’ve been too familiar too early in the relationship and you have indicated you are more interested in boobs and butt than in her. You have inadvertently cast yourself as a ‘player’ in her eyes. Although you may think she should be flattered, she might very well feel insulted that you disrespected her.

Women: 3) Yeah, my ex used to say that all the time…

For a start, unless you were married and are now divorced, you have no ‘ex’, that is of course unless you want to put it into your date’s mind that your last boyfriend is held in such high regard that you considered him a husband. If you can’t get through a date without intruding another man into the picture then you don’t understand men, or you are highly insensitive, or are just not ready to start dating again.

Men: 4) And I thought afterward we could go to my place for a night cap…

This is extremely amateurish (never inform or ask a woman up front regarding sex, if you do your chances of rejection are 99%, the other 1% i.e. when it works, only occurs when she is utterly drunk.) If you flag that you intend for the night’s conclusion to be a seduction then you have set in motion her complete determination that you will not reach your goal. Good luck getting a second date.

Women: 4) Don’t you just love frilly things, like skirts and jackets, and I’m really into anything purple, especially earrings… 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Save it for your girlfriends. Such babble alerts your date to the fact you are not all that bright and that your observations of male conversation preferences are inaccurate to say the least.

Men: 5) And then Sanchez, who’s my favorite UFC fighter, just threw this uppercut from nowhere, and bam, Wilson was KO’d… 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Save it for your buddies. It may have been one of the most exciting sports nights of your life but she is probably thinking you’re a juvenile with a propensity toward violence. You think you are impressing her with your machismo, she thinks you’re immature.

Women: 5) I disagree.

You may disagree, but don’t say those words. Put it more diplomatically, perhaps this way…”You don’t think that maybe…” A lot of younger women think that just saying ‘I disagree’ somehow declares them independent and intelligent. It usually has the opposite effect on a guy and disagreeing bluntly with a man is liable to bring out his competitiveness. That is why men don’t ask for directions, they don’t like to be seen to not know the right answer.

Do’s

Men: 1) Compliment.

On first seeing your date compliment her on her appearance, she may well have spent a long time grooming for you. Even if you think she hasn’t made much of an effort, nevertheless start the date with a respectful compliment, like, “Hey, you look really great tonight.”

Women: 1) Thank.

Thank your date for little things like opening the car or restaurant door for you. To a man a lack of manners in a woman signals one thing loud and clear – no class.

Men: 2) I’ve been really looking forward to seeing you all day. You’re great company.

This might seem more like a generic compliment that both sexes would go for, but women in particular like to know you are appreciating them beyond what men are usually after – sex. It means you are interested in them on a long-term basis, and not just looking for a quick fling.

Women: 2) Wow, that’s impressive.

Men like to impress, it is positive feedback so be impressed. It doesn’t mean you have to only be impressed with traditionally impressive things – you can be impressed with humility, or shyness, or nice thoughts. But do impart that you are impressed in some way. It tells a man he is making progress.

Men: 3) Next time I want to take you to that little Italian restaurant on the lake.

Let her know there may be a next time. She may not want to see you again, but it is nice to let her know that your intention is to see her more than just once, and a comment like this is a casual way to inform her of it. This does not commit you but it does send her a signal that you are interested in her long-term.

Women: 3) Say, I need a little advice, how would you handle…?

You may not really care what his suggestion is but asking a man for advice puts him in a leadership position, and being a leader is what most men naturally aspire to be. Just listen patiently, clarify if necessary, then nod and say thank you. You will have made his day. Note – disagreeing with the advice you just asked for is not a good idea.

Men: 4) Hey, you know, I’d be interested to hear your opinion on…

If this sounds eerily like a woman asking a man for advice it’s because it is – it’s much the same thing couched in a different manner. Women like to know that their opinion matters, same as men, although men like to feel they are giving advice rather than just expressing an opinion. That’s why when women tell men about their terrible day men usually try to ‘solve the problem’, they are compulsive problem solvers. Women on the other hand like to feel they are independent and intelligent and that their opinions are listened to with interest by men.

Women: 4) So what are your hobbies?

Very few people in the world actually like their job. To most of us it is just a means of making a living. The true inner person is revealed via their hobbies, and men tend to be very hobby orientated. Of course where men are concerned the definition of hobbies should also be extended to things like watching or participating in sport. Showing interest in a man beyond work is a bit like finding the way to his heart via his stomach. It’s a pretty sure thing.

Men:  5) Phoning.

If you didn’t see her home then a phone call that night to make sure she arrived there safely is a good idea. Either way a follow-up phone call the next day is essential. If you think she knows you had a good time on the date and will definitely ask her out again you are wrong. Women, particularly if they really like you, can become paranoid by the hour. After 48 hours without a call resentment begins to set in. Call any later than that and you can be assured of a frosty reception. A little word of advice on the follow-up phone call – don’t call her at work, she may be in work mode, wait until she gets home. But remember, you only have a 48 hour window.

Women: 5) Ante up.

Offer to pay half. These days many women earn the same or more than the man they are dating. He may not let you pay half, but you should still offer, after all it is only fair. Many women are not asked on a second date purely due to this reason, and yet it never occurs to them. You don’t know the man’s financial situation and he may simply be too embarrassed to inform you that he won’t be able to always pick up the tab. If you don’t at least offer to pay, don’t be surprised that even though it was a great date your phone remains ominously silent. It’s always good to put the cards on the table from the start – either agree to pay half or proportion it according to your income. Even if he still insists on paying you will have won his admiration for your openness and fair mindedness, and the phone will definitely ring again.